


Demons

by HomeOfTheBrave (Vicjules)



Series: Ahanu & Amir [3]
Category: The Brave (TV 2017)
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Male Friendship, Undercover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-29
Updated: 2018-08-29
Packaged: 2019-07-04 02:47:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15832176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vicjules/pseuds/HomeOfTheBrave
Summary: McGuire and Amir's experiences during "It's All Personal".





	1. Releasing the Demon

It had been an hour since Preach and McGuire had set up overwatch at the compound in Paris. It was pouring rain and the two men had fallen silent for a long while. McGuire stretched  almost imperceptibly.

He was no stranger to long stakeouts in bad weather. No big deal. But tonight felt different. Things had gone down. Amir wasn’t himself. McGuire had been worried when Amir got in the car with Omar and the others, but when he exited the compound without the boy, McGuire caught a glimpse of something on Amir’s face when he was turned from the ISIS operatives. It was a gut wrenching, ever-so-brief look of pure despair. He worried that it was too much for Amir to slide into this other personality again. Three years living as someone else is a long time.  _ Too long _ . There had to be a reason he stopped. There had to be a reason Top was concerned about Amir going back under. McGuire was worried. Not about Amir’s allegiance - he trusted the man. No, he was worried about Amir’s well-being. About the state of his soul.

And now, it had been over an hour of staring at this stupid compound while Amir was walking in the rain alone, dealing with leaving a young kid behind with a bomb strapped to his chest. All McGuire wanted to do was check on his brother. He didn’t know what had gone down in there. Why he left the boy. He must have had a good reason. Or, rather, a terrible, horrible, downright nauseating reason. 

Were they going to have to let the boy die to save hundreds? McGuire swallowed hard and took a deep breath. He hated missions like this. Ugly, no-win bullshit missions that made him feel like puking his guts out.

 

*******

 

Amir shivered in the cold, night rain as he waited in a dark corner for Dalton and Jaz to pick him up.

He’d left him. He’d assured the boy that it was the right thing to do. It felt as if he were outside of his body, listening to a foreign voice saying those horrible things. He tasted stomach acid in his throat.

Khedani was not welcome. Amir wanted to bleed him out of his pores and let him wash away in the rain-drenched street. Of all the terrorists that Amir would be able to destroy, there was one that would never be killed. He would always remain. Khedani.

He closed his eyes and sucked in deep breaths until he heard a car slow in front of him. He opened his eyes and saw Dalton and Jaz roll up, but before he could get in the car, Jaz was out and in his face with fury and fire and fear.

She threw pain-laced anger at him. Khedani bled into Amir and he heard his voice growl as he responded to her accusations.

_ Stop, Jaz _ , he pleaded in his mind.

She kept going. Khedani got stronger. He felt his body vibrate and push forward into her space.

_ Back away, Jaz _ , he pleaded again in his mind as Khedani laced his voice with rage, “The mission changed!”

“Get in the damn car!” he heard Top’s voice and instinctively turned to obey. He watched Jaz violently throw herself into the front seat and wondered if she had any idea who she had just threatened. How easily he could have let Khedani take over and end her.

He got in the back seat and ran his hands through his hair. Did she think he was Khedani? Did she think Amir wasn’t real? He wanted to vomit.

“Now, what happened? Why’d ya leave the kid?” Top asked. Amir shoved Khedani into a corner and answered.

“It’s not one bomb. It’s two.”

Amir swallowed and explained the developments to his captain as Khedani pulsated in his head.

_ I am Amir _ , he thought to himself later, as Top updated command,  _ I. Am. Amir. _

“We have to figure out where he’s going if we are gonna have any chance of saving him,” Jaz said pointedly, but without the accusatory tone of before.  _ No, you should still hate me, Jaz _ , Amir thought as his stomach dropped. Khedani was the only one who could get that information.

“Any ideas?”

“One,” he answered through a wave of dread as he thought about what he might have to do to to Mina.

 

*******

 

Well, this was unexpected. McGuire sat beside Preach in a small jail cell as they dripped puddles onto the floor around them.

“One benefit of being ghosts. We can enjoy the experience of jail without fearing the consequences,” Preach offered, almost amused.

“Enjoy?”

“Well, it’s all subjective,” he smirked.

A chuckle rumbled through McGuire’s chest as he leaned back against the cinder block wall, “Just so you know,  _ we _ ,” he gestured between the both of them, “are not  _ enjoying  _ the experience of jail together, Preach.”

Preach picked up on his friend’s meaning and bellowed out a full laugh.

“I mean, I love ya man, but I prefer the ladies,” McGuire continued with a smile. Preach laughed and leaned back against the wall as well.

“I don’t know, McGuire. If we were really stuck in jail, I’d probably be your best option.”

McGuire scrunched his face at the thought, but couldn’t help laughing.

“And I’ll have you know, I’m a generous lover,” the larger man offered with raised eyebrows and a smile.

“That’s gross, Preach,” McGuire responded as Preach laughed.

The two men fell silent as they listened to a police officer get reprimanded over the phone.

“Campbell?” McGuire inquired to his French-speaking friend.

“Hmmm. Mmmm,” Preach smirked.

McGuire smiled and closed his eyes. They’d be out of there in no time, so he let his thoughts fall back to Amir. But in his thoughtful state he must have revealed his worry, because Preach inquired before long about his thoughts.

“You alright?”

“Hmm? Fine.”

“McGuire.”

He opened his eyes and gazed over at Preach, who looked back at him with a knowing stare.

“I’m worried about Amir. Sounds like Khedani was big shit, you know?” McGuire whispered, “Bad guy.”

Preach nodded and pursed his lips, “Amir isn’t the bad guy.”

“No, I know that. Khedani is. There has to be a reason he isn’t Khedani anymore, right? Something went down. Maybe he shouldn’t be Khedani again.”

“Listen, I don’t think this is easy for him, but that man has strength. He might need a little TLC when we get back home, but he’ll be okay,” Preach assured his friend as he positioned his folded hands in his lap.

McGuire didn’t respond, so Preach put his hand on this friend’s shoulder, “He’ll be okay because he has us.”

McGuire studied Preach for a while before nodding and leaning his head back against the wall again. It would be great if he could just  _ see  _ Amir. That’s what really sucked about this whole crap mission. He couldn’t be there and assess him and help him.

Hell, maybe he wouldn’t be able to help him right now anyway.

Fucking Khedani.

 

*******

 

Amir scanned the market, desperately looking for the second bomber. He heard orders in his earpiece and realized Preach and McGuire had their sights set on the boy.

One of them might have to kill the child because of his actions. He felt a wave of nausea overwhelm him and he worked to push it from his mind. 

_ Task at hand, Amir. _

He heard the confirmation that the boy had stopped and turned around and a flutter of hope returned. Then he saw the second bomber and everything sped up. He ran. His heart raced.

Did he fail them? His team, his family? Did Khedani win after all? Panic filled his soul. 

He ran.

And then he heard the sounds of a silenced sidearm and saw Top grab the limp body of the bomber. He grabbed the body from his captain. Top had the bomb. Jaz had the gun. Preach and McGuire drove away.

It was over. They walked away through the crowd as the police descended on the scene. He felt Jaz take his arm.

They were safe. He was safe. Khedani descended into the dark, distant corner of Amir’s mind.

He breathed.

 

*******

 

Exhausted, the five rode silently in the van as they traveled to the exfil site. Amir had retreated to the furthest back seat and instantly curled up into the corner. McGuire silently sat at the other end of the bench seat and studied his friend.

He was tired. He was tormented. He was all alone over in that corner. He glanced up to the front seat to find Preach’s focus on the road and Top riding shotgun with this eyes closed and his arms crossed over his chest. Jaz’s eyes were shut tight as she leaned her head against the glass window in the seat in front of them. McGuire looked back at Amir, who seemed exceptionally small. He scooted his body closer and laid a hand on Amir’s arm.

Amir startled, but didn’t immediately jump up. He slowly peeked out from his constricted position.

McGuire just offered his friend small smile and left his hand resting on his arm.

“I’m sorry,” Amir whispered.

“What?”

“You almost had to kill Asim.”

“That’s not your fault,” McGuire assured him, a confused and concerned look on his face.

“I told him he should do it. I told him it was honorable.”

“No, Khedani told him that.”

“Same.”

“No, Amir. Definitely not the same.”

McGuire heard Amir take a deep breath and watched as he buried his head back into the corner. 

Talking wasn’t going to work right then. What he needed was  _ weight _ . A weighted vest or blanket. Since McGuire didn’t have either, he turned to the next best thing. Himself. He moved closer and leaned his body weight into Amir, pausing part way to assess Amir’s reaction. With no objections, McGuire let all his weight fall against the smaller man and closed his eyes.

“You’re not alone, buddy,” he whispered before drifting off to sleep.


	2. Taming the Demons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team returns to base after Paris. McGuire reveals his own demons.

After returning from a mission and unloading their gear, it was typical for the team to gather in the yard and decompress together. McGuire sat at his desk and watched Jaz and Preach begin to shuffle toward the door. Dalton emerged from the bunk rooms and followed them out.

He’d checked on Amir, McGuire concluded.

McGuire didn’t move to follow his teammates, but watched them disappear through the plastic strips. Amir never appeared from the hall, so he stood and quietly grabbed a weighted vest before moving toward the man’s room.

He knocked and after a moment, Amir opened the door, saying nothing.

McGuire held up the vest toward Amir, “It’s a little warm today for the blanket.”

“No, I’m fine,” he responded, holding up a hand and shaking his head.

“You don’t have to be fine.”

Amir pondered the statement before eventually giving in and stepping aside so McGuire could enter. The shorter man silently walked back to his bed and lay down.

McGuire followed and sat on the edge of the bed.

“Are you just going to sit there and stare at me? I’m not going to break.”

McGuire smiled, “No. Just….assessing,” He laid the vest over Amir’s chest.

“Wonder why these work?” Amir asked offhand.

“Safety.”

Amir looked over to the wall.

“You’re not Khedani.”

Amir looked back over to McGuire with a sharp look in his eye, “He only exists in me, Joseph. Who else is he?”

“He doesn’t exist.”

“He does. I promise you that.”

McGuire breathed deep.

“You didn’t see, Joseph,” Amir warned, a dark tone in his voice.

“What?”

“You weren’t there. In Paris. When Khedani was at the surface. You didn’t see.”

McGuire considered the comment. Maybe that was true. He couldn’t hear Amir in the teahouse. They were blind again at the compound. He’d left to follow Asim when Amir took down Omar in the mansion.

“I saw _you_ ,” McGuire offered, “I saw how it affected you.”

Amir squirmed in the bed and looked toward the ceiling.

“Why did you stop?” McGuire asked quietly.

“What?”

“Your undercover work. Why did you stop?” McGuire knew it was dangerous to bring it up. He might get booted from the room in a heartbeat. He watched as Amir cycled through emotions, likely trying to decide if he was going to expel the medic from his presence. He seemed to settle finally and let out a sigh.

“I...I got lost.”

McGuire didn’t respond. He only watched memories flicker through Amir’s eyes.

“Khedani got too powerful. I couldn’t find myself anymore. I….did things,” he admitted, closing his eyes in pain.

“ _Khedani_ did things.”

“Stop doing that,” Amir bit out.

“Nope,” McGuire said simply, “I will not let you hate yourself.”

“I can’t….I can’t kill him. He’ll always be there, McGuire,” Amir said sadly, remembering the anger that surged through him when he killed Omar. That hadn’t been only him and his sister’s memory. Khedani had seeped in there too. The violent darkness where Khedani lived deep inside Amir had been fully open. He remembered digging the knife into Omar’s gut, wrenching it to cause the most pain. He hadn’t killed anyone like that in a long time. Up close. Personal. Violent. It sickened him that a part of him _liked_ it.

And he knew Jaz and Dalton had watched him do it. He had expected Adam to reprimand him for it. To remind him that they did things differently. But, he hadn’t. When Top came to talk to him upon returning to base, he only asked if he was alright. He told him to talk to Xander. He told him they were all there for him. Dalton was very perceptive and Amir was thankful for it. He recognized that the behavior wasn’t entirely Amir. He wondered how much his captain knew about what had happened undercover and how much was left hidden under black swipes of marker.

 _“Tell us. If he comes to the surface again,”_ was all Adam had requested before leaving Amir to his own thoughts.

“We all have demons, Amir,” McGuire shared, breaking Amir from his recollections, “Different, but...we understand.”

“What are your demons?” Amir asked, wondering if this sharing session was going to go both ways. He watched McGuire drift into his memories, a sadness and anger seeped into his features.

“My DELTA squad,” he started, “We were in a hot spot. It got bad. They hit our location with rockets. I couldn’t...I couldn’t _fix_ them all. They were all….bleeding out in front of me. All of them.”

Amir sat up to listen more intently.

“I just wanted to patch them all up. Save them. But the bullets kept coming and they kept bleeding.”

He breathed deeply before continuing.

“I dragged them away. Tried to get them to safety. Stuffed their guts back in,” he swallowed audibly, “but...they all…. _went_. Right there in front of me.”

Amir shuddered at the thought of losing the entire team in one fell swoop.

“I couldn’t do anything. They were all dead and I was alone. I just laid down beside them and waited. Figured a bullet would find me eventually,” Amir startled at this revelation. McGuire had given up. Waited to die. Amir studied his body language, trying to decide if he would do it again. Lie down and die with his team instead of fighting for his own life. Amir couldn’t decide on the answer and that terrified him. Even if he died, he’d want his team to live. He’d want McGuire to live.

“A bullet had already found me though. I had no idea. I was bleeding out too, but I couldn’t feel it. I blacked out and woke up in a hospital,” he shrugged and Amir couldn’t tell if he was upset about surviving.

“I’m sorry,” was all he could offer.

“Hmm,” McGuire mumbled as he looked off toward the far wall. After a moment he looked back at Amir, “Top found me after that.”

Amir smiled, “He seems to like the damaged misfits, doesn’t he?”

“He does,” McGuire smiled, “Guess he still sees something worthy in us.”

“He’s a misfit. He gets us,” Amir shrugged.

McGuire nodded in agreement, “He can get dark, man. Like, _scary_ ,” he smiled, “Don’t piss off Dalton.”

Amir chuckled, “Dark Dalton.” McGuire laughed with Amir before they both fell silent again.

“I’m not Xander,” McGuire spoke up, “You need to talk to him,” he added with a commanding tone, “But I know what helps me. _You guys_. I know I can be touchy-feely,” he smiled, “I probably annoy the shit out of all of you when I do stuff like this,” he waved his hands around in front of him, “The hugs, the physical contact. It helps me, so I figure it might help you too,” he finished with a shrug and tilt of his head.

“It doesn’t annoy us, Joseph.”

McGuire chuckled, “I’m not under any illusions.”

“No, really. I look forward to it. It helps,” he stated, “And I know for a fact the others like it too.”

McGuire smiled.

“You know someone would have punched you in the face by now if they didn’t like it, right?” Amir chuckled.

McGuire laughed, “Truth.”

Amir laid back and repositioned the vest.

“I’m glad you’re with us, Amir,” McGuire offered as he stood up to leave, “All of you. Even the dark stuff.”  
  
“I’m glad I’m here too.”

As Joseph reached to open the door to leave, he turned back with a mischievous grin, “You know, someone on the team has punched me in the face for hugging them.”

Amir grinned, “Jaz?” he guessed.

McGuire laughed, “What? Has she punched you too?”

“There was a moment in Paris. If Top hadn’t been there, I think she would have,” Amir smirked.

“She’ll come around, Amir.”

“I think we may have worked it out in Paris, actually.”

McGuire smiled, “Good. She’s warm under all that cold armor, I promise.”  
  
He turned to leave, but before he shut the door he peeked back in, “Hey, uh, you gonna finish that breakfast you started?”  
  
Amir chuckled, “Yes, I’ll feed you in the morning, Joseph.”  
  
“Cool,” he answered, “‘Night!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, we all need to hug McGuire now too!


End file.
